we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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