He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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