Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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