im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
