Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dicks are not precious.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize