she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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