I hate your face
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
