I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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