So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
