it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
