what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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