A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
