it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
