Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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