Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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