i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
