I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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