whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
