he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
