I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
