capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
