My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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