some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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