and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
