he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
