I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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