College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
