Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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