Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
