It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
