Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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