just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
