I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
