I'm lost and stupid without you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize