is your mom at the bar?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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