What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
