your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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