im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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