Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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