Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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