Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
