Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You are the jesus of drinking
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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