Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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