the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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