does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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