drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
