i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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