The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The uberlube is also flammable
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
