i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
