She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
