i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
