to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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