what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
