i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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