I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
