You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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