dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
