Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize