Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
