If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
