he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
