And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
