tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
