And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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