I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
