talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize