Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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