I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
