I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
