As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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