trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
