Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
